is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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