the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
