i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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