I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
