i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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