Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
