your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
