She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
