I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
