if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
