That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
