I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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