How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
