I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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