why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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