It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
