i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
