Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
