yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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