Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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