i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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