I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
