guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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