Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
