Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
