And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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