guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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