did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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