it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
