i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
