That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
