theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
