Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
