OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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