Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
