these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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