my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
