yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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