I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
