thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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