My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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