glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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