i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
