Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
