If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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