I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
