So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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