So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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