Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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