he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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