He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
