i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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