after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
