Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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